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Archive for July 2013

Tired

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Of being the asshole. No matter what I always lose. I can say the sun will shine tomorrow and the grass is green. Instead, it will be “no the sun is yellow and the sky has clouds in it. It use to be the sun wille shine and I dont care I love you. No I love you. All it took was 1.5 years and 6 years…pretty ridiculous if you ask me. I would like one day to be ok and normal again. Ah well. What can you do but be you?

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Written by sxt004

July 18, 2013 at 3:38 am

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Mad World

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I’m in a very dark place at the moment. My frustrations coupled with insecurities are eating away at me. How could I be so stupid. I hate myself for so much and carry so much on my shoulders… for what? So I can ruin everything. Everything I worked for, everything I feel like I deserve and earned, thrown away over stupidity. I’m praying and begging and paying but I don’t know if it’s working.

I’m mad angry upset sick nervous. I feel like I’m going insane and I have no way to stop it. There are so many negative emotions thoughts and feelings, I truly feel like this time I won’t make it. I just want to give up. Sleep has avoided me. Hunger is an unknown feeling though my body says otherwise.
I’m nervous. Really nervous. I’m sorry. I’m in no way ever going to be able to apologize. The difference in how you will look at me kills me. It kills my heart.  It breaks my heart and steals everything that makes me happy. Is that possible? Is that real? Yes.

Written by sxt004

July 12, 2013 at 12:52 am

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Destroyed

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I’m so let down. I’m so angry. I’m so annoyed.  I’m so frustrated. With.myself.and.only.me.

Written by sxt004

July 8, 2013 at 3:22 am

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