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Archive for August 2013

Makes me feel like saying sorry

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Allll day I’ve been sick. When I talked to you I told you I wanted to come home and just get in bed. You wanted to cuddle allll day. Yet, you sit on your phone, then come up to shop online. Still I say sure babe. After a looonggg shower in which I got out a bit before you, it still takes 20 minutes to get in bed. All the while you could talk to me…however instead you just sit on your phone looking for something cute to wear. Then when I ask how mucb longer you will be, all of a sudden you are concerned something is wrong. Pretty sad. It would be nice to know when you say things, you mean them. Since our “problems” ive gone above and beyond to work with you, change, and be more of a man. I appreciate the small amount of patience youve had with me, but nights like this make it obvious why I worry like I do. Sometimes I wish I could be like you and act tough or like I  dont care. I really just wish you could be in my head for a minute. And you wonder why I feel the way I do….really?

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Written by sxt004

August 30, 2013 at 2:40 am

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Once in a lifetime…

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Im the sappy, lame, emotional, and mushy guy. Its obvious in my posts. This one I hope gets to you one day when you need it most. Heck, maybe it won’t, but maybe it will find someone on the same level as me who understands what I mean.
Once in life time. Bumping into you when you were a kid. Hanging out years later with some of your friends and your bestfriends boyfriend. Such a small place and never knowing you. Then thag one night you stepped out of the car and into my life. Ohhhh I was madly, crazily, over the fence drawn to you. That smile, those eyes, that laugh. You werw different though. There was so much more to you. Spunky and bright. Petite but packed a punch. No one caught my attention like you. Still there was more…something more.
Once in a lifetime. There was hurt and a wall built up around you. Rocking solo and living for your friends. No one but you could understand that the way I did. We were both hurt, torn down, and abused. The right time, the right type of heart, the right mindset. But the more I hung out with you, still felt something else.
Once in a lifetime.

Written by sxt004

August 29, 2013 at 9:19 pm

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Wake Me Up When Its All Over

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I’ve been quite the critic of myself lately. Wondering if I were good enough, maybe not good enough, just..enough. Have I become a man or am I progressing towards it?
Everything I have ever done has been for someone else.  Could this be something holding me back? Probably, but could it also be a driving force to become better each day?  So its the type of thing you dont want to be selfless but selfish.
Karmen, my rock, my hard place. Ive come to the realization that you are the thing that drives me. Both in a good and bad way. In my life, to this point, I would not be where I was without you. I went from dead end, to being content, to wanting it all and then some!  The amount of responsibilities I have gained in our time together have been great, but along with those it has caused me stress that is unbearable at times. I could be at Verizon/Centenniel in Lafayette still. Making good money, but not great and going nowhere. And before you, it would have been good enough. Hell I could still be in patterson, miserable and stuck in a rut but not noticing due to just cruising along.
Instead, I busted my ass for you. I went from a part time job at Acadian Smartphones to HR Manager at Viscardi. Keep in mind no degree or cert or anything…just hard work. I make 60k a year before bonuses, drive a 60k truck that I dont pay a dime for, and can afford to buy us a house. All within 4 years…no help from family friends or “knowing someone”. I put in more than what was asked and its paying off. Instead of getting content, as I would have before, I keep striving for more. A house, a child, a stay at home wife option. All for you. With what I’ve accomplished so far, all this is more than achievable in a time frame that will make everyone happy.
BUT while I’m doing these things for you, and trying to make you happy, I too am making myself happy. I’m never stressed or sad or upset as long as you are good. You being satisfied means I’m satisfied. Seeing you smile or get what I know you want, is like me getting what I want.

All I have ever wanted is to do for someone else.

Ily.

Written by sxt004

August 29, 2013 at 4:10 pm

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Help..I need somebody..help, not just anybody

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This is crazy. I must be crazy. I feel like it. I feel like I can’t win no matter what. Even though this passed weekend was absolutely the best week3nd ever I still fill like im walking on eggshells. I’m going to end up causing more problems than helping. Why cant someone something somehow just fix me?

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August 28, 2013 at 12:48 am

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And the green grass grew all around

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If you need to know or havent learned…the grass is rarely more green. Too mamy people have realized this and before it gets too late, I hope you do as well.  Its always exciting for something new to come along. We all like bright new toys. Its whats left at the end of it all that let’s you know.
Fighting gets old. Fighting for a lost cause that could actually be meaningful is even worse. I love you and pray you realize that there’s not too much more to ask for.  Besides success, which we both have, love, compassion, sincerity,  strength,  and emotion make a couple.  Til recently infelt like we had that. Til recently I realized you let everything else cloud that ideal. I sure wish you understood and appreciated what we stood for.

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August 18, 2013 at 6:57 am

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When youre old and gray grey gai gra grea

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I’ll cross my fingers and hope the smile on your face is because of me.

Written by sxt004

August 11, 2013 at 7:28 am

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Sad

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I just feel sad. And also hopeless. Its cool thoigh, right?

Written by sxt004

August 11, 2013 at 6:48 am

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