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Archive for September 2013

Finally…It says it all

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Up on melancholy hill
There’s a plastic tree
Are you here with me?
Just looking out on the day of another dream
Well, you can’t get what you want
But you can get me
So let’s set up and see, love’
Cause you are my medicine
When you’re close to me
When you’re close to me
So call in the submarines’round the world we’ll go
Does anybody know her?
If we’re looking out on the day of another dreamIf you can’t get what you want
Then you come with me
Up on melancholy hill
Sits a manatee
Just looking out for the day
When you’re close to me
When you’re close to me
When you’re close to me
-Gorillaz

Who would have thought something like this was able to describe me so perfectly?  Its sort of refreshing. Though, at the same time, none of you will ever read this so no one will ever get to know or understand how perfectly this describes me.

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Written by sxt004

September 29, 2013 at 8:17 pm

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Leftovers

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Ok so I’m going to just know my role and shut my mouth from now on. Seriously. No more whiney,  complaining, or sad posts. I’ve got to accept what I write and know my place. It’s as simple as that. My complaining and being sad just shows my weakness. Shit or get off the pot isnt just about marriage, its about any type of decision. Well, ive decided to just suck it up and be what I am.

Leftovers…

You got nothing else to dump on. Dump on me. You need help moving.  Let me know. You want a friend, I’ll be there. You need help, duh I’m a phone call away. You need love and affection…done.  However I understand its not for me to receive back. Take what you want and leave me with whats left over, if there are even any. You want someone to help get you straight and on the correct path, then once its done, leave me to myself. Fine. I accept it. I expect it. I understand it. I have to be ok with it or I’ll go crazy. Having issues and you need a mental, pbysical, or emotional punching bag…it’s all good. I’m getting used to it. Finally. 29 years in and I’m going to learn the meaning of my life. Seems about right. I mean after all, if im the worlds dumpster and bitch, then why should I expect anything positive in return? Im such a fool for thinking it could be any other way.

Meanwhile, I’ll wait around. Wait til you need some more. Anyone needs some more. And when they are done, chalk it up as me fulfilling my duties. I wont ever be the victim again because I will accept my fate.

I’ve always cared too much and been too emotional. My entire life I’ve been this way and its molded me into the punching bag I am. There are others out there like me, but they would even use me the same way. I’m always someones last pick. ALWAYS.

Written by sxt004

September 29, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Started from the bottom

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And im still here.

The universe can dumb on me. Seven days a week, 365 days a year I’m always im anticipation of the worst. Im a positive person, I’m a firm believer in good. However, I’m 29 years old and for 29 years I’ve been completely trashed on. Its not the situation where everyone says omg I have it so bad or my life is just horrible.  No, I’ve lived for 29 years on this planet and for 29 years its been one thing after the other. My luck is either the worst or its a coincidence that shit always comes down on me. Actually its that things are always going down. I come up 10 feet and get thrown 400 back down.

Loure’, im here for you to dump on. I’m here because like your mom, you need someone to vent on. I’ve lived a life like that so you could be ok. Not me, but you. And I’m sadly ok with it. I love you. If everyone else can use me and throw me away, then the one person I love can definitely lay everything on me. Whatever makes you feel ok. I guess thats where I’m different. I see you. I saw my brother.  I see all people for what they are and what they want to be. Everything else doesnt matter.
Im built different. My best quality is my main weakness. I’m ok…as long as you are. So

So have a bad day at work and tell me. Want the world and then the universe. I’ll do what I can to give it to you. Lose a friend and feel down on your looks…cause I’ll be your best friend and build you up to understand you are the most amazing thing in the world. Because I can only love you……for you.

Written by sxt004

September 29, 2013 at 2:47 am

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11:11

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And all I wish for is a life of love with you. I have my christmas, birthday, anniversary. Its each and every day I get to apend with you.

Written by sxt004

September 28, 2013 at 4:13 pm

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To ask or not to ask..that is the question

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Should I say something? Should I be curious?  I think I’m going a little overboard and possibly out of line. But I should want to know. I mean it is my future. Im a part of this. I think thats the problem…I feel and have for so long that it’s allllll about you and never about me. The issue…if its not all about you anymore, will that turn you off. Will that break the little grasp I have? Have I spoiled you beyond repair.
If so, then I am to blame. But is it blame when ive been a good person. A faithful, loving, caring, unselfish person? Guilt is a hell of a drug. I now wake up every morning feeling guilty of everything.  Good and bad, I believe I’ll never win. How long can I deal with knowinh winning is not an option for me. When its all said and done, I’ll be the loser I’ve always been and others have thought I’d be. Im my own worst enemy.

Written by sxt004

September 20, 2013 at 10:58 pm

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Blessed to impress

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For all the ups and downs, I would be nothing without you. 

Written by sxt004

September 8, 2013 at 11:01 pm

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